By: Reham Essam
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| Girl Stop Apologizing: By Rachel Hollis |
It’s no wonder so many woman have lost themselves. Of course they have! If you live your life to please everyone else, you forget what used to make you you. Unfortunately, many women struggle with what others might think of the goals they have for themselves. So instead of chasing them, they let their dreams die. Or they pursue them in secret or, worse, with a nagging sense of having failed those around them because they’re doing something for themselves instead of everyone else. They live under guilt and shame and fear. As women, we’ve had a lifetime of lies fueling our fears. We’ve had a lifetime of believing that our value lies primarily in our ability to make other people happy. We are afraid of so many things when it comes to our dreams, but the biggest fear is of being judged for having them in the first place.
The world needs your spark, needs your energy, needs you to show up for your life and take hold of your potential. We need your love and care. We need your passion. We need your business models. We need to celebrate your successes. We need to watch you rise back up after your failures. We need to see your courage. We need to hear your what if. We need you to stop apologizing for being who you are and become who you were meant to be, but to achieve big goals both personally and professionally came down to these three things:
1. Letting go of the excuses that kept you stuck.
2. Adopting great habits and behaviors that set you up for success.
3. Acquiring the skills necessary to make exponential growth possible.
Excuse #1: That’s Not what Other Women Do
I used to have shark teeth
In a perfect world, they’d encourage you to be yourself while also helping you figure out how to improve in the ways that grow yourself- confidence. But most of us didn’t grow up in that perfect world.
Most of us grew up identifying from early age all the things that were wrong with us. We believed we were too fat, too ugly, and too awkward to be loved and accepted without making some big changes. Some women handle it by sinking further into themselves. Other women handle it by rebelling. By the time you started wondering whether you liked the road you‘d put yourself on, you felt too far gone to turn back, and so you live a double life.
Your dreams weren’t just a part of your identity; they were the core of who I was. They were a gift from God, and if God endowed us with something, how could it be wrong? You will realized that your desire for growth and work only really felt wrong when you start to worry about their point of views, so you think to stay at home as a good personal choice and life calling― but it’s not your own decision, it was what other people wanted for your life.
Excuse #2: I’m Not A Goal-Oriented Person
For the Goal diggers
Dreams are things you hope for, for your life. Dreams are the things that occur to you as you go about your day, a goal is a dream you’ve decided to make real. It’s a destiny, you‘re working toward instead of an idea you’re only considering or hoping for. But, you should take action and plan for your success to achieve new milestones, even little ones, all living organism need to feel so to get busy growing or get busy dying. If you find yourself going through life without anything to work toward or aim for, it’s no wonder that you feel like your life is living you instead of living it your own way.
Excuse #3: I Don’t Have Time
Time is not enough Myth
It’s not about having time or not, but whether this goal you have is so compelling to your future peace that you are willing to give up a little of today’s rest for tomorrow’s possibilities. You should give up excuses and accept that you are in control of your schedule through the following tips:
1. Make A Timeline for your entire week
Once you are recorded an entire week, find out where you have the time to add five hours a week to work on your goal.
2. Put your schedule and treat your five to strive hours as scared
Once you set your new schedule; commit to five hours to become the person you want to be.
3. Make your Minimum Hours Are Your Best Hours
You have to schedule these hours for when you’ve got the mental capacity to do them well.
4. Plan Your Schedule Weekly
Make sure that you adhere to the plan.
Don’t wait for a moment to be special enough for you to look, feel, and act your best, and the truth us that you don’t need a special moment, or any reason at all, to do that. Stop waiting for someday; someday is a myth. Don’t wait to have the time, and create the time.
Excuse #4: I’m Not Enough To Succeed
Lifelong battle of feeling not good enough
Your feelings of not enough keep you from proving to yourself that you are. You can find that the thing that prevents you from chasing your biggest dream in life has been the belief that you are not smart enough to build big achievement. It’s a pitfall that many of us make on the road to personal growth of any kind, we pinpoint the problem, we decide to fix it, and we admit to fix our personal problem by doing something that personally doesn’t resemble us. Every time the fear of not enough shows up for you in stupid way remind yourself of the truth not the other’s opinion, and if you are hesitating because of someone else telling you that you are not enough, you are still living your life and making choices for yourself, and subsequently, your family based on someone else’s opinion, also you must know what you have been through in the past that affected you in a negative way, holding on to it won’t help you. Therefore, the state of not enough won’t let you get inspired or make great choices in your life.
Excuse #5: I Can’t Pursue My Dream And Still Be A Good Woman
Don’t waste your life trying to please everyone else
You get only one chance at this life―and you have no idea when your chance might be over. You can’t waste it to please others. Of course this is not a call to be selfish, but life is as short as the falling snow and it’s all about you to be happy through being in a family or a relationship or a community means showing up for others. The problem is that women struggle to show up for others instead of showing to themselves.
On the other hand, work-life balance is a myth, work and personal life will always battle each other for supremacy because both require your full attention to be successful, it’s not bad or wrong; it’s just how life works.
Prioritize Yourself
Your health and well-being should be your biggest priority, sleep eight hours, work out, carve out several hours a week for prayer, church, and volunteer work because faith is extremely important to feel centered which means to feel grounded and peace with yourself and regardless of chaotic things become keep yourself a priority.
Love Life
We don’t want to have a good marriage or even great one, we want to have exceptional marriage and it requires honest intentions so make sure to have a weekly date night with your husband, and annual vacation together― without the children. Reach to the agreement to make each other a priority.
Kids
Never easy task but not all women can achieve that goal of having balance, you will miss some moment with your kids but in return you will build yourself and set a good example for them, it was another way of prioritizing kids just with long term vision.
Career
There are times when work won’t take up most of your attention. You will get busy with other stuff in your life like saving your marriage, your health or your kids. You will be off-balance for a while and torn apart between two many things until you can come back to your own direction.
It’s not impossible to pursue something for yourself while simultaneously showing up for people you love. It’s possible to prioritize yourself and not to get overwhelmed by feeling hype, the pressure, and guilt. People’s opinions are true for them not for your circumstances and your feelings.
Excuse #6: I’m Terrified Of Failure
Let them watch the missteps!
You have a dream, but this feeling is holding you back because you are afraid that others will see you stumble. All of us have a list of failure, and we are totally aware of how much time and money they cost us along the way, but those mistakes taught us something to ensure they don’t happen again, and to know that something great can be mined from ashes means we don’t beat ourselves up when we don’t get it right. Consequently, we should be grateful for small spaces we’ve inhabited as they taught us how to be who we are now, for missteps along the way taught us how to run, and for our insecurities to gain a lifetime of confidence through practice and study.
Excuse #7: It’s Been Done Before
Everything has been done before, but the fact that someone has already done the thing you’re dreaming of shouldn’t be depressing; it should be a sign that you are on the right track, and stop comparing your beginning with the middle of anybody‘s road. You are afraid of something you haven’t even attempted, because you think you can’t measure up to how someone else has done it, and there are some reasons like:
• You’ve never done it before
• You fail at everything, so why should you expect anything else?
• At least if you never try, no one― especially you― will be able to confirm that. But first you’ve got to get over the battle with comparison, as if you get over your fear of not doing it as well as they do, you ‘ll never have the opportunity to be a trailblazer for someone else.
Excuse #8: What They think about my actions?
I want someone’s opinion to keep going
You should stop caring about people’s point of views about your action and don’t give power to their opinions. You should be able to differentiate between hearing their point of views about something and needing their approval or confirmation for your ideas. Sometimes their opinions takes you out of trying, you should be certain that nobody can make your ideas or decision valid except you. It’s a hard habit to break, but it’s a choice as well.
When you hear a negative opinion about you in a hurtful way, know that this person’s behavior has no place in your life. Nobody deserves mental abuse, every time you are giving that person permission to treat you that way. On the other hand, we have two types of opinions, and the first one comes from a place of love, but also you will accept it if it’s right for you. The second type isn’t constructive, and you should reject it, presenting any opinion without love shouldn’t be approved. Beyond that, make sure that your mind didn’t let you feel bad about your actions because the bright side that nobody is actually thinking about you. No one cares about your decisions and if they don’t like your idea then it doesn’t matter .Let us put assumption that someone think that you are the worst and they don’t have real evidence, it will be a deep misunderstanding if you ruin your life by giving them the power to judge you but it’s a choice and your choice is not to believe it. It’s all about what do you think about yourself and that attitude will set you free.
Excuse #9: Good Girl Don’t Hustle
Focus to change the world not to give weight of their opinion
If you want to control your own life, you have to be financially independent. People think that good girls don’t talk about money, and they certainly don’t claim it as a life goal, regardless of their reasons, but if you want to be a master of your fate, you should work to achieve self satisfaction, and to earn your own money should be one of your main targets. You have to work on getting more access, experiences, and knowledge.
When you become a working-mother you may find an open disagreement to your plan to build your own career besides being a mother, you may resist for years but you people’s opinion began to wear you down and turning you into pieces of glass that gets thrown in the ocean, but the only dilemma is how badly you want those dreams and what you’re willing to do to reach your goal. So, ladies don’t stay in the comfort zone because you are afraid of what they are going to say about you, living with full potential worth the effort we put to get over any obstacle that faces us. Live for the world you are going to make not for their judgments. You have to let go these nine excuses and adopt new behaviors if you want to move forward your dreams.
Behavior #1: Stop Asking Permission
You’re the master of your fate
It was the idea that for most of us, the voice of authority in our lives growing up was male, even when you grew up and get married; the voice of power remained male, but it’s absolutely possible to manage your priorities, your responsibilities, and your personal desire in a good way and this will happen when you stop asking for permission for who you are and stop caring about what they think of your decisions, when you give more time for self-caring than you persuade others with your plan.
Behavior #2: Choose One Goal and Go for it
When everything is important, nothing is important
If you want to achieve a dream don’t look for back up plan. Just find another way to achieve the same dream according to your circumstances, but go all in that one single dream and when it is accomplished move forward to the next one. Don’t district your energy on s many ways to make much progress. Put all your energy into an area can have a deep impact on all other aspects of your life. Close your eyes and imagine your best version after ten year and take the first step; that’s you in ten years then turn those years into ten specific dreams. You have to know where you are heading to, and the reason of doing it.
Behavior #3: Embrace Your Ambitions
Ambition looks like adopting a willingness to do research or ask for help
Ambitious people create opportunities for themselves and for others, ambition is not shameful for any women who want to achieve something it requires strong desire and determination. It’s like living in a way others won’t so you will have a unique life other’s can’t.
Behavior #4: Ask For Help
Many women are afraid to ask for help because they are afraid to admit the fact that they don’t know enough about a certain topic or their physical power don’t help them enough. So they act like super women, but the truth is if we can’t do something all alone doesn’t mean we are weak, even the most powerful people hire many teams to get the mission done. If you want something raise your hand and ask for help, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. Don’t pretend that you are strong and can stand all alone, because no one can live all alone.
Behavior #5: Build Foundations for Success
There are some principles we should have before we move forward to achieve our goals. If you want to reach your targets you need to build up yourself to win. Always fill your glass with water as we women often think about others not ourselves, we give our energy for people round us and destroy ourselves in the process or we may completely lose ourselves. Also, if you feel upset about your life and your heart is aching; it is a clear indicator that you are not stand on strong foundation, but it’s never too late to start right now through the following:
• Get Healthy
1. Hydration
Drink much water every day like half of your weight and divide them through the whole day.
2. Wake Up Early
The additional hour before your family gets up is the key.
3. Give Up One Category of Food for Thirty Days
Keep your word to avoid a certain type of food.
4. Exercise and let your body move daily
Move your body or work out for just 30 minutes.
5. Be Grateful everyday
Spend your day looking for blessing.
• It’s Your Right to have personal space
Your house is a reflection of what’s going on your life and how you figure out stuff.
• Build great connections
Choose wisely people who pull you up and motivate you.
• Develop your Habits
If you are emotional eater, you have to get rid of this bad habit, and learn brand new habit.
• Create A Morning Routine
1. Wake up at 5:00AM
2. After Finishing My Morning Work, do some meditation
3. Write Your Journal
4. Once you are mentally prepared to be your best; take care of your kids
5. After the kids are at school, listen to some music
6. Drink a healthy smoothie
7. Write down the list of the ten dreams and the first step
Behavior #6: Stop Allowing Them To Talk You Out Of It
If you want to change someone else, change yourself as people always change their attitude when they are inspired by someone else’s example. If you want to achieve something have courage and the will to change yourself and it is ok if they are not persuaded with the road that you are going to take. It’s not an easy process to change yourself you will be hard on yourself to compromise to do what you want and at the same time don’t hurt the people who matter to you. So, make sure that you are surrounded by good people who mean to you through the following you can have self- regulation to follow with the outside world.
• Ask yourself if those people should be in your life
• Prepare Before You See Mean people
• Plan to take it easy because they things are not going to be simple
Behavior #7: Don’t Hesitate To Reject Anything
If you want to reach your goals like achieving personal growth, unique marriage life, and create your own business; you have to say No without a minute of shame or guilt. It’s like the magical wound that will let you control your own life. Through practice you can gain this skill.
• Respond As fast As you can
Not to use perhaps code for the things that you don’t want to do.
• Be Polite And Honest
Set your own agenda first and show them your commitment to it.
• Be Firm
With yourself unless you are certain that you will get back to your agenda again.
Skills To Gain
Skill #1: Road-Map Strategy
You can’t go anywhere until you know which road to take and some basic details about it; otherwise you are going with the flow to enjoy the ride not to reach a certain goal. And the key here is to start from the ending line; to pinpoint the target. And there are some stages to take you to the next step toward your dream, and let you avoid unproductive attempts.
• The Finish Line
• The Starting Point
• Write Down the Little Steps That Take You Closer
• Take Massive Action Immediately
Skill #2: Confidence
The concept that you can depend on yourself, and it’s an acquired skill not a character that you should have since you are just a kid. It’s something you can work on to improve if you weren’t so lucky to acquire before, and the key here not to have a great appearance, but to have a personal style. The opportunity to create progress is to ask questions and do researches to find out the weakness points in your appearance and work on fixing them with the way that resonate you. Invest in yourself and use technology to learn what’s new to develop your appearance, and another stage is to surround yourself with people who are confident.
Skill #3: Persistence
People say that a goal is a dream with a timetable, but the truth is some personal dreams can take a long interval of time to be achieved. We all fall in the same mistake of comparing our beginnings with someone’s middle accomplishment; consequently we feel depressed and may not complete the journey. At a certain point, this journey will need you to fight to get where you want to go, as you are not chasing a temporary dream. So, train harder to reach your target, and be aware that the training should never stop. Nowadays, when we ask a question or do a research we are bombarded with a million different answers, in which all of them are confusing. Be patient and know that no matter how long it takes, you will reach if you work hard and dig in your hidden depth. At this moment, you will catch your dream, and you are ready to go for another one.
Skill #4: Effectiveness
When you work on a goal, putting in all kinds of efforts, and not making any concrete progress that means that you don’t know which road to take or you focus on the wrong direction. You think you need more time to fulfill your needs, but all what you need is to use the time you have in effective way to be productive and highly efficient.
• Replace Your Task List With A Result List
Keep yourself updated in your field through focusing on accomplishing the right tasks.
• Reevaluate Efficiency
Ask yourself the right question if there is a better way to have a certain accomplishment.
• Create Suitable Environment To Have Progress
There is nothing in the outside world will make you productive and figure out the best version of you.
• Know What Distracts You and Avoid That Things
Shut down all things that steal your attention then focus on what you want to achieve.
• Be on the Right Track
Switch your focus when you are side tracked, it will be such a great loss to give up on your great idea because of trivial reasons.
Skill #5: Positivity
The first thing you will realize is how negative emotions affect us: they have proven many times to narrow our focus and scope of work. It’s one of the most powerful ways shut our minds off to opportunities or new ideas. This is why listening with intent to agree is so great—it encourages listening with a positive emotion in mind, so that our minds will more naturally open up to what the speaker is saying. Positive thinking can actually improve our overall happiness. Noting down things you are grateful for on a regular basis and how that can improve our happiness. You have t choose to be positive and see possibilities stop any negative idea run through your mind.
Skill #6: Lead-Her-Ship
Some people believe that leaders are born, not made. Others, however, think leadership skills can be developed, just like any other ability. Leaders of the future will know how to tirelessly encourage the dreams of those around them while diffusing their fears. This requires leaders to have unshakable certainty in themselves and a willingness to be generous with those they lead. Always see yourself on stage in spite of how scary and uncomfortable it feels at times; embrace your calling and refuse to hide your shining parts. You can be the light for yourself and you can reflect some light to lead other who will follow your lead.
Epilogue
The ability to believe in yourself can change your life. The key is to be true to yourself, to be true to the very best that is in you, and to live your life consistent with your highest values and aspirations. This is the only way to truly learn how to believe in yourself. Take some time to think about who you are and what you believe in and what is important to you. If you want to change your life by becoming an author, believe that you can do it. The hardest step in that journey is finding the confidence to learn how to write a book. Once you get a hold of a proven system to plan, produce, and publish your work, the larger goal becomes easier to attain. By believing in yourself, you will find the courage to take immediate action on your goals. And this, as you may know, is the key to success.
I encourage you to never compromise your integrity by trying to be or say or feel something that is not true for you. If you believe in yourself to be a good person, you will expect good things to happen to you. If you expect good things to happen to you, you will be positive cheerful, and future-oriented. You will look for the good in other people and situations. Your actions on the outside will ultimately be a reflection of your innermost values, beliefs, and expectations on the inside. This is why what you achieve in life and work will be determined more by what is going on inside of you than by any other factor. Live fully into that call on your heart-in spite of how scary it might feel some time. Fight for your dreams and reflect the light for those who come along behind you, but don't be like burned-candle to please others.
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